Joy Express

When I was much younger, my mother told me that it was up to me to act with dignity around others ‘less fortunate’ than me – well, I think that “dignity” was what she was asking me to use.  And, mostly I had to drag out my “I didn’t know I had but obviously I do have” dignity skills with people who weren’t quite as ‘aware’ as we were.  I remember being Most Resentful that I, at the age of 18 or 19, had to act as if I was the adult when around adults who were acting as if they were children.

This really didn’t seem fair to me, at the time.

 

Mum had a very proper approach to life and we were going to learn it, too, even if it nearly sent her grey in the process – which it very nearly did!  I think Acting with Dignity came at the same time as “Please use a spoon for the jam, and another spoon for the cream!” rule when eating scones.

 

In the last couple of weeks, I have found myself Acting with Dignity, although I think I have only just realised that that is what I have been doing.  According to the dictionary, Dignity means:

1. The quality or state of being worthy of esteem or respect.                                                                                                                    

 2. Inherent nobility and worth: the dignity of honest labor.                                                                                                                     

3. a. Poise and self-respect. b. Stateliness and formality in manner and appearance.

 

Family trauma and tragedy is a golden opportunity for festering issues to take hold and GROW.  Once upon a time, I would have been delighted to feed that growth and create a forest of emotional angst and drama.  In the days before I knew what made ‘Michelle’ tick, when Ignorance really was Bliss, I just knew that if I was hurting then everyone around me should be supporting and caring for me, helping me to feel better again. 

A very simplistic and ‘immediate’ approach to life.

 

As I have aged, and become more experienced & understanding of the “Ways of Michelle”, I have learned about respecting how other people may be feeling.  I have learned that maintaining Respect and Compassion during times of incredible distress is of paramount importance.  And, I have learned that people Grieve in many different ways. 

I have learned the Art of Dignity. (And, I did thank mum, recently, for the lesson well learned many years ago, even though this is the first time I have consciously realised it.)

 

The definition of “Dignity” as “Poise and Self-Respect” has been very much in play this last week or so.  And, I really am Grateful that it’s now an ‘automatic’ response for me.  If it hadn’t been, my family would have been in even more chaos than they are.  I am ANGRY.  And, I am SAD.  And, I MISS MY DAD!  And I want to lash out – at no one, or no thing in particular.  I just don’t want to be feeling this way.  And, I want my grieving process to Be ALL Mine!  I don’t want to be aware or supportive of others and their grieving.

 

The Art of Dignity allows me to maintain that supportive and compassionate role towards others, and allows me to be angry for myself – that’s the “self-respect” side of this process.  Each day, a new ‘layer’ of grieving appears; and each day, I gather the tools and knowledge I have discovered over the last 45 years and I battle or nurture as needed.  I have worked really hard to reach this place of peace and acceptance of “Michelle” ~ a battle hard fought and hard won.  I am able to maintain my dignity during these very traumatic times and … I am Grateful.