Joy Express

I had a thought, last night, as I sobbed my way to the dinner table, that if I was a Rain Water Tank, my garden would be Lush and Green by now.

A Moment of Whimsy, and a comforting thought at the same time.

 

After spending most of yesterday in bed, or on the couch, with a Very Sore Throat and an overflowing emotional tank, today was supposed to be a ‘better’ day ~ or so I thought. 

It’s not.

Well, it is – in a way – because I am almost over the ’sore throat’ and now into the ’slight cold’ part of this physical manifestation of metaphysical issues, and I can Think Clearly even though the tears are still running at full strength.  That’s ‘better’, isn’t it?

 

My Grieving Process seems to be a lot like decluttering the home I have lived in for all of my life ~ 45 years of emotional baggage has made up the ‘cake’ and a couple of weeks of dying/death/tragedy have added a Very Thick Layer of icing, on top.  I am wading my way through the cake, eating and eating (crying and crying), to the other side … all the angst and issues from a lifetime of living with my father, topped with the incredible understanding I have gained during his dying process; knowledge and peace that could only be gained by dad dying, which has added to the emotional toll because I can’t talk about it with him.

 

The hardest part of it all is making sense of what I have learned … on my ‘PhD’ path of learning in this lifetime; what my ‘purpose’ in this lifetime is all about: of honouring My Authentic Self … I have been true to that path … and it has cost me greatly.  The grief I am experiencing with the death of my father is Lonely; very, very lonely.  The grief we have experienced by the sudden death of my nephew is Shared Grief ~ the shock, his tender age, the family he leaves behind ~ we all feel it and we share and support each other through it.

 

I am beyond Grateful for my life, for the lessons I have learned, for the profound things I have witnessed.  I knew it was going to be a long and lonely path; in fact, I didn’t think I would even get to this point.  I have been blessed with the most incredible opportunities and gifts.  And, the Greatest Learning of the last few weeks ~ Honour. 

 

I find myself thinking of Worf, the Klingon member of Star Trek: The Next Generation, and the trials and tribulations he lived with over the 7 seasons of the television series.  He was unable to act in any way other than With Honour.  His motto upon going into battle was “Today is a Good Day to Die“. Living with Honour was a basic cornerstone of how Klingons approached their lives.

 

I have learned that there is no point in finding out Who You Are and What You Are All About if you are not prepared to Walk Your Talk.  I learned that from Dad … even though that wasn’t really how he ‘appeared’ to live his life.  And, when it came to the end, the things Dad taught me were thrown back in my face by others who didn’t understand our relationship and its complexities, and who weren’t Honourable enough to show Respect to me.

 

Respect, Honour, Compassion and Unconditional Love … these are just a few lessons I have learned from Dad’s Legacy.  And, again, I am Grateful.