Joy Express

… My Craft Room will be overflowing with projects!  LOL.  I’ve been actively engaged in UStamp with Dawn & Friends’ Early Summer Edition 2010 projects and completely surprising myself at just how many fabulous things I’ve made!  I think I’ve got about 7 photos in the gallery!  This is amazing because I haven’t had the time to do much in the previous UStamp sessions – school holidays allow such flexibility for how I manage my time.

While being sidetracked on creating cards, chocolate covers, double pocket purses etc, I have been trying to ignore the “5 Year Plan” thoughts … I just don’t know where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing and I am even a bit scared of committing to doing something ‘just in case’ it goes awry.

But, I didn’t realise that those things I mentioned before were even possible in my “10 Year Vision” (this is why it’s great to go and have an Angel or Tarot Reading – it stimulates those otherwise dormant thoughts about what you might like to achieve in life).

I’ve been thinking about what I could set as goals for the next 6 months, what I am likely to achieve between now and the end of the year, and I find myself, yet again, reticent to Make a Commitment.

Why is that?

My artistic/creative side doesn’t like to be ‘locked in’ and it’s influencing my decisions a LOT, at the moment.  I am So Inspired to Be Creative!  Being Practical has been a challenge although I think I am able to ‘convince’ my Creative ME that my Practical ME needs a little time, today … cleaning, and Angel Workshop Preparation, MUST be a priority. LOL. [I can hear Creative ME already: "but, but, but ..."]

So, an easier way to commit myself to something is to think about what life may look like in 5 years time … it’s sufficiently far enough away that I can’t feel threatened by the commitment or the Fear of Success issues I experience or anything else.

In 5 year’s time …

my health will be in Great Shape

I will have a consistent income and be well on my way to being Financially Independent

I will have travelled to all the parts of Australia that I have ever wanted to see

I will be Living My JOY and Sharing that JOY with many people around me

Kels will be close to the end of her schooling and I will be close to the end of my more immediate parenting responsibilities

I will have my own car

My business premises will be organised/arranged and I will be in the process of refining my team of practitioners

I/we will be Giving Back to the Community ~ not sure how, yet

“Expressing JOY” will be my mantra.

Gosh! It still amazes me what comes through when I write these lists of thoughts about life in the future.  I feel they are a bit repetitive but that’s where my life is at, right now.  A lot of my ‘holding back’ comes from having a 12 year old who still needs her mother’s involvement (although not as much as before ) and that will naturally change as time moves forward.

Hmm.

Food for thought.

Maybe I might be able to think about what I want to achieve for the rest of this year now that I have broken down the next 10 years a little bit. 

By the end of the year I will have …

Today would have been my nephew’s 21st birthday.  He died almost 6 months ago. Six hours after my father died.  Joel died after being hit by a car.  Dad died of  cancer.  Joel was 20.  Dad was 70.

I know a lot.  I know a lot about a few specific things.  David knows a lot.  He knows a lot about a lot of things.

What I didn’t know was just how hard living with your choices and decisions can be. 

I also didn’t know how amazing the feeling of Freedom would be.

I am free of all the constraints and shackles I have worn for 45 years of life.

It may not be the day to talk about it, given Joel’s birthday, but I am grateful that Joel and Dad ‘went’ together.  I am comforted by the scene in my mind which had a battered and crippled young man hobbling through into the light while supporting, and being supported by, an old man at the end of his life.  I like the harmony of that image.

Dad is now free.  Free of the challenges of living with a body which had been turned inside out and upside down after his cancer operation several years earlier.  He is in the ’spirit’ world, fit and healthy ~ well, almost.    He’s looking out for his grandson, who is also healing and being healed. 

And, I am Free, too.

Thank God!

I am Free from distress and anxiety and anger and sadness and being controlled.  I am Free from feeling unsafe. My adult life has been filled with stuff, all connected to the choices and decisions I have made given the choices and decisions dad made with regards to me, and himself.  I don’t miss him at all.  His physical presence in my lifetime was all about controlling me, about me behaving in a way that he saw as appropriate.  It was about ‘do as I say’ rather than ‘do as I do’.

I feel like a helium balloon, floating on a long, long string.  It’s Blissful.  I am able to make choices and decisions which are All Mine.  They are not coloured by dad …

That sense of Freedom is so, so precious to me.  I am very grateful that Dad has died.  I am very grateful for the learning and awareness I have received as a result.  We have a much better relationship now.  I think of him often.  I remember the things he taught me.  And, I appreciate all those things which were ‘wrong’ about me (in Dad’s eyes) because they have made me who I am today.  I am Grateful because I Love Who I Am and I Love Where I Am At in my life.

It only took 45 years. 

And, finally, I am Free.

Today, I am off to the Wellbeing & Lifestyle Expo in South Morang.  I’m hanging out with the Groovy Goddesses ~ Davine, Caroline, Deb and Maria ~ and will be offering Angel Readings while the other ‘Goddesses’ offer Reiki, Jewellery and Candles.  It’s going to be So Much Fun!

This is what I LOVE.

Being in this energy/space gives me a jumping off point for ‘painting a picture’  of what my life will look like in 2020 …

I will be 56 years old;

My kids will be 29, 26 1/2 & 22 (Gosh!!);

David will be 56 almost 57;

We will be living in our current home but in the process of relocating;

We will be traveling overseas at least once a year;

David will be my business manager and continuing his “Rock God” path, on the side;

I will be handing over the reigns of my company/business to a trusted employee which will free me up for travelling;

I will be considering a new book contract;

I will be fit and healthy ~ exercise will be a regular and committed process, maybe including personal training and yoga; I will enJOY spending time with Stillness allowing my mental health daily ‘time out’;  I will have a regular committment to working in the garden, getting my hands dirty and being renewed in energy and good health; I will have clear and constant access to all things spiritual and have integrated “5D” with “3D” realities; my diet will fulfill all my needs and be Easy;

I will own my own car ~ something mid-sized and sporty;

I will be Financially Independent;

I will be embarking on the adventures of a lifetime ~ Great Love and Journeys with David.

Goodness!  How Inspiring!  Is that REALLY how my life will be in 10 years time???

Like Daniel starting out on his life’s journey, I am sure that things will change between now and then.  The important thing is to Step Forward Strongly.  Make a Committment to something and go out and get it. 

When I think about where I am at now – July, 2010 – I realise that my life is pretty darn good.  But, having just done this process of Creating a Picture about where I will be in 10 years time (in essence, giving myself a ‘reading’), I realise that having a destination really does help with focusing and grounding my thoughts and plans.

Daniel sets weekly goals with his team … what he wants to achieve in sales for the week.  They are revisited each day, then reset each new week.

It’s probably time that I set some serious goals … not just ‘everyday’ goals like planning dinners or getting through the washing each week, but something which really focuses on the bigger picture.  Kels has been watching Macleod’s Daughters over the holidays and when Kate Manfredi arrives at Drover’s Run one of the first things she does is put her “5 Year Plan” poster on the wall.  That’s always appealed to me.  Maybe it’s time I did “Michelle’s 5 Year Plan”.

Hmmm.  Food for Thought.

How does my Life Look in 5 Years Time?

Another question I find myself asking clients, and friends, is “Where Do You See Yourself in 10 Years Time?”.  Not many can answer that question.

I’m not sure I can, either.

The only thing I know for sure is that I am on the path that I really, really want to be on, and I am journeying towards – what?  Doing “Lightworker” business full time?  Being Fully Engaged in my Career? Travelling? Earning a Living doing Readings and Workshops?

I guess it’s a bit of all of that.

When Daniel was in the process of leaving school, he was considering exactly this question.  He looked around at people whom he admired and talked to them about their lives, successes and challenges, and formed a picture of the direction in which he’d like to head.  He had a goal of whom he wanted to be like, by the time he was 40. 

This was an excellent process to go through because it gave him a direction to begin with once he’d left school. 

Twelve months later, he has a new direction and a new ‘destination’, and that’s ok.  Because the whole point of asking the question, “Where Do I Want to Be in 10 Years Time?”, is to find a path to start travelling.  The beauty of the path is that lots of options appear as you travel it … side streets, hills, mountains, valleys, new people, different situations … just like travelling in a city or country town.  There are always things to see on the way and choices which can be made, sometimes redefining the original direction, sometimes just making it more interesting.

So, Where Do YOU See Yourself in 10 Years Time?

 Since working further afield from my usual areas I am noticing some common themes in my Angel Readings.  I seem to be asking the same few questions of my clients; actually, I ask EVERYONE, at some time or other, the same questions …

What Makes You Happy?

Where Do You See Yourself in 10 Years Time?

What qualities in your partner convinced you to marry him/her?

Do You Believe You Are MAGNIFICENT?

Can You Say “I Am Magnificent”?

And, I guess what amazes me about asking these questions is that most people I meet can’t answer them.

Can YOU?

Yesterday, I decided to be ORGANISED.  I started a To Do List, which had 2 items on it by 6am (I’d been up for over an hour by that time, and blogged, and decided to Get Organised in a more ‘organised’ way ).  By 7.45am, I had cleaned the shower, washed my hair, got dressed for the day, answered emails, played a game of Spider Solitaire, completed 2/3 of my first UStamp project, waved goodbye to Daniel, kissed & waved goodbye to David, and made a quiche.

As I was cleaning the shower (thinking that it would be so much better if the environmentally friendly cleaning products worked as easily and efficiently as the non-environmentally friendly products) I remembered why I like cleaning.  I LOVE the end result.  IT MAKES ME HAPPY.

Walking into my bedroom with a freshly made bed or walking into the bathroom and seeing a sparkling clean shower allows a SMILE to cross my face.

Cooking something yummy for lunch allows me to feel FULFILLED … I am honouring myself (and my good eating habits), I am providing homecooked food for my family, and I am working to my ’strengths’ – I achieve better and enJOY doing things if I do them early in the day!

These are little everyday things which bring me JOY.  It doesn’t mean that I rush about cleaning my shower or baking every morning.  But it does mean that I notice what makes me Happy and I try and do those kinds of things more often.

When I am Happy, Anything is Possible!

So, I ask YOU … What Makes You Happy?