I decided not to go to Perth.  I decided to HONOUR ME.  Although, I must say that I took a very circuitous route to the realisation that Honouring ME was actually more important than attending a workshop (even though I was really looking forward to it) or being with some Very Special Friends.

Honouring ME is something I am not very practised at.  It’s not something I learned in those formative years of my life, nor do I see that particular behaviour modelled by people around me.  As a result, I am muddling through with the learning process.  This time, it took Me talking to me while I was talking to a dear friend ~ very convoluted, but effective. 

At first I expected that all the tears would magically dry up because the stresses of what my ‘head’ thought I should do compared with what my ‘heart’ knew I should do were eased.  Humpf!  That lasted all of a few hours.  I still woke up and wandered through my day with tears very close to the surface.  Then … I was gifted with a Day On My Own.  This is a Really Big Thing in my world, at the moment.  David is working from home so my old routine of many hours to myself has changed to a new routine of very few hours to myself.

The Gift of Space (energetically and physically) allowed me to find my centre again.  It allowed me to tune in to what makes my heart sing.  It allowed me to Acknowledge my grieving status but to also Celebrate What I Love.  It allowed me time and space to remember that I have Lovely Friends in my life and they are all needing,  or deserving, acknowledgement.  After all, I should be Really Aware of this because it’s exactly what I want!

My “Grieving Therapy” of stamping has provided me with a lovely stash of cards and I have posted 2 birthday cards this week, and 5 ‘Acknowledgement’ cards.  Congratulations Acknowledgement for my Stampin’ Sister Jenny’s New Recruit; Divine Being Acknowledgement for a Dear Angel Friend; Reconnecting Acknowledgement for a Special Friend who is also grieving and going to come to Angel Lunch, next week; Thank You Acknowledgement to Friends who gave me flowers; and Acknowledgement to my Dear Friend who is finding Life very demanding.

For Me, it’s very important to Acknowledge Life.  These people want to Feel Special and Unique and Valued.  Don’t we all?  I receive Great JOY when I send a handmade card.  I receive Great JOY when I make a card from out of my head, or copy it from the SU! catalog, or copy it from an Inspired Stamping Blogger.  I post my card with LOVE ~ Love Energy goes into the making, into the presentation, into decorating the envelope, into how I drop it into the mail box.  I imagine it flying away to my Friends, with Angels Wings.

I realise that this process is a form of Ceremony.  I am realising the importance of Closure and Peace and Acknowledgement and Nurture and Sharing the JOY … for me, for my Friends, for Dad.  My Dad died.  I am sad.  It is time for the Ceremony of Acknowledgement and Closure. 

And then, it is time for the Ceremony for ME ~ the Acknowledgement of My Journey; the Acknowledgement of My Grief; and the Acknowledgement of My Healing.

It’s a Journey.  It’s My Journey.  And I am making the rules.

I LOVE Stamping!  And these are the things I LOVE most about Stamping:

Colour ~ Bold Brights, especially

the Bone Folder ~ it’s So Easy to get crisp folds on my cards and boxes

Stampin’ Wheels ~ mostly those which can be Coloured In … Easter Eggs … Cupcakes … Ooh La La!

Watercolouring ~ gentle and ’swishy’

Ribbon!

Stamp Sets ~ LOTS of images that coordinate ~ lots of choices in lots of themes ~ lots of different styles

Crystal Effects ~ for that added dimensional shine

Stampin’ Up! Mini Catalogs!!!

UStamp with Dawn ~ outstanding projects ~ fabulous contributors ~ family-like atmosphere ~ dedicated stampers ~ creative heaven ~ a month of indulgence

Stampin’ Blogs ~ lots and lots and lots of brilliant ideas (the top 2 cards are designs by other Stamper’s and I am Grateful for the Creativity )

Stampin’ Up!

Yesterday, I had the thought that I seem to want to write when I am in a highly emotional state.  I guess that’s logical given that the intensity of feeling just pours out of me … like tears, really.  Then, when I am not feeling strongly emotional ~ in happiness or sadness ~ I don’t have the urge to write.  Hmm.

A wise man said to me recently that when one has a reaction to a situation then has an awareness which is the opposite of that reaction, turmoil ensues.  That’s my life in a nutshell.  I am a Gemini ~ two brains/heads is an absolute bonus in so many ways, but it’s also the greatest source of challenge!  I sometimes need to be able to step out of myself so I can talk clearly to myself, if you understand that.  

I’ve spent my life being angry and resentful of my father, then during the process of his death and after he died, I was made aware of the incredible pure love and essence of that soul and how instrumental our relationship has been for me to become who I am today.  Another source of inner turmoil.

And then, there is how I see me and how others see me.  I do wonder if everyone experiences that? 

The upside of this Awareness is that I have discovered a lot about my Authentic Self.  I know how I want to approach life and the people who cross my path.  I know what is appropriate behaviour ~ communication and physical ~ for me to assume.  I know what being Honourable and Genuine and Aware are all about.  I understand, although struggle with the acceptance of  it, why people behave the way they do; to me (of recent times), especially.  I understand that being told that I am not responding appropriately to the dying process of my father is just a way of saying “I am in pain.”  I understand that being told I am responsible for someone’s emotional breakdown to the extent of needing alternative therapies support, is just that I was the ‘last straw’ or ‘catalyst’ for that day’s fallout.

I understand, but I have been hurt.  Deeply.

I also know that from Great Challenge comes Great Learning.  [Gosh, I think my life has been FULL of 'great challenge'!] I also know that once the learning has been achieved, there are Great Rewards.  The reward from Dad’s death?  The Awareness of the Unconditional Love his Soul has for my Soul.  But … the cost has been Very High and my human side is not quite at a point of being able to make peace with that, yet.

So until then, I cry when I need to cry and I stamp for creative nurturing.  I hang out with people who love me and understand that I am still grieving and I attempt to learn how to nurture myself.  I continue to ‘tweak’ my wellbeing ~ a kinesiologist visit, latte appointments, personal training,  You Tube “FUN” moments ~ whatever is needed at the time.  I will be Well, again.  And, God Help Me, the tears will finally stop flowing so strongly!

Today’s FUN moment ~ The Twist!  Check it out!!

blueberry bagels & cream cheese

breakfast in the city

the AC/DC exhibition with Really Loud Music!

holding hands with David

Yum Cha

talking

 being heard

the gift of understanding

the gift of sharing exciting happenings which occurred as a result of time with me

being creative

scented candles

being honoured

Stamping!

I’ve been stamping again – a LOT – to the point that I think I have almost overdone it!  LOL.  But … I have a fabulous stash of cards ready to send off when I need them, and some stunning 3D projects to grace the craft room. 

Isn’t that Designer Purse and coordinating cards set fabulous?!  This project was from UStamp “With Love … 2010″ and created by Becky Roberts ~ stunning, stunning, stunning!  I revisited a designer series paper pack which has been quite neglected in my stash, recently, called “Haiku”.  I love the thought of the purse holding several cards and then given as a gift … hmm. I wonder if that’s a great workshop theme?

What are you doing, this weekend, which brings you Pleasure and JOY?